Creating Smoother Sibling Relationships - Episode 72
In this episode, we'll be diving deep into something we've all experienced: sibling relationships. Yep, we're talking about how to make them better by tackling that age-old issue of sibling rivalry.
We'll be breaking down to discuss the causes of all that rivalry and creating strategies on how to break free from that type of relationship. We'll chat about why it's super important for parents to show unconditional love and really listen to their kids' feelings. In addition, we emphasize the pivotal role of unconditional love, validation of children's emotions, and the cultivation of an environment where each child feels valued and respected.
So, if you've ever wondered how to turn those sibling spats into lasting bonds, stick around! Our aim is to guide listeners in creating a nurturing family culture rooted in kindness and mutual respect. Join us as we dive deep in discussing all about creating a chill, loving sibling vibe that everyone can get behind. Let's get into it!
If you find this episode helpful, please share it and subscribe for more insightful discussions, and join the conversation on here or Instagram at Akko and Tamo .❤️ 💫
IG: @akkoandtamo
TIMESTAMP:
►00:00 - Intro
►00:25 - Recent Happening: The podcast is now available on YouTube
►01:07 - TOPIC: Creating Smoother Sibling Relationships
►01:27 - Understanding Sibling Rivalry: Causes and Effects
►03:22 - The Importance of Parental Responsiveness and Validation
►06:48 - The Role of Parents in Sibling Rivalry
►07:34 - Strategies for Creating a More Loving Environment
QUESTION: What are your tips for sibling relationships?
MUSIC:
► Copyright Chillhop Music - https://chillhop.com
#siblingharmony #siblingconflict #consciousparenting #realizeyourtruenature
Podcast Transcription
The transcription below is provided for your convenience, please excuse any errors made by the automated service.
Tamo: This is episode 72
Akko: and the topic of the day is creating smoother sibling relationships And before we get started, please take a quick moment to subscribe to our show now, let's get back to our recent happenings
Tamo: Yes, the recent happenings is that our podcast is now available on YouTube. So if you like to listen to podcasts on YouTube, we're available there, so check it out. Make sure you subscribe to our channel so that you get notifications each time we release a new podcast. And just to let you know, along with YouTube, we have Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon, iHeartRadio, Overcast, Google, and also on our website. WWW.AKKOANDTAMO.COM And , don't forget to subscribe to our show and follow us on Instagram and give us a shout.
Akko: Yeah, for sure. All right, so let's get back to our topic of the day. So creating smoother sibling relationships.
So first, we just really want to just go over really the causes of sibling rivalry. And then what parents can do to actually lessen that drama and create a more loving environment for our children. So what usually are the causes of these sibling rivalry. And it's really competition. They feel like they need to compete with the other child, right? Because they feel if parents are put in a situation where we had to choose one child, they don't feel confident that we would choose them.
Akko: Like that's what some children might feel. And so children need to feel confident in our responsiveness as parents to them. And so they want to feel seen, they want to feel validated and valued. And so as long as you show these to them, then they're usually less sibling rivalry because they know that mom and dad will be protecting them .
Tamo: And also loving in any situation.
Akko: Yeah, so yeah, right loving them unconditionally Not just loving them when they're being good or happy right you love them when they're mad You love them when they're screaming when they're having tantrums and actually voicing that out to them usually helps too because we noticed that like sometime our daughter will do things we don't want her to do , she'll just be like, mom dad, I love you. And then, we'll have to let her know Hey, we love you no matter what, whether you're getting in trouble.
And the only reason why we had to let you know what was happening is because we love you and we want you to be a better person. And so we're trying to teach you how to be that better person and so teaching them unconditional love right so always loving them However way they are however form they come in , you always love them just the way they are. And let's say these kids are not confident that their parents are always going to be responsive to them or feel confident that , they have their back that tends to create a little more sibling rivalry, cause they need to fight for their parents attention because their needs aren't being met.
And so they start to shove their siblings aside to be sure that those feelings are being met. So competition, that's where the competition lies. And you want to really acknowledge and recognize and validate their feelings so that these things don't happen, right? If these feelings are validated, then children tend to continue to express their feelings.
So we want to remember to always continue to acknowledge and recognize and validate their feelings. So example, if there is a new baby in the family, right? And this child, the older child was an only child for two years, and they were the center of attention.
They're gonna feel a little left out when this new baby comes and so Always being able to acknowledge recognize and validating their feelings like hey, you know I know it's hard to share parents or share mom and dad or I know it's hard to have a new baby in the family I know it's hard to be a big sister or a big brother We understand letting them know that you understand what's going on and validating their feelings tend to help and the children will continue to express their feelings to their parents of, them wanting to have more attention from them, whatnot, but.
Little by little, those feelings will start to fade and then the feelings of wanting to get to know their younger sibling becomes stronger and then they tend to want to have a stronger bond with them eventually. As long as you are validating their feelings and you're recognizing and , you're letting them know that, hey, I hear you, I understand what you're going through.
Let's get through this together. As long as they feel heard Usually older siblings have better relationship with their younger siblings and let's say these feelings are not validated what happens is these children tend to shove these emotions into their subconscious and their emotional backpack becomes heavier and heavier, right? Cause they're just like, Oh my gosh, like I'm feeling all these things. It's nothing is validated.
No one's understanding me. And they start to, have this feeling of resentment towards their younger sibling and then a lot of times what happens is They start to have feelings from this unconscious place of their mind because they shoved it so deep and they weren't able to work out those feelings when they're younger. And so When they become adults they start to feel resentment towards their younger siblings. And so because Those unconscious emotions weren't worked out. they Start to have this, so it's called like an unconscious belief system where that drives their behavior because, all those unconscious emotions that they didn't work out when they were younger starts to drive how they're feeling, how they're behaving.
And so towards their younger brother. younger sister. And so that creates a lot of sibling rivalry. So it's really important to be able to validate older siblings emotions and whatever they're going through and really hearing them out so that it doesn't create this animosity towards the younger sibling.
And then another cause is that some children have just different needs and different temperaments. So parents will have to be able to navigate towards those different types of personalities and needs and temperaments.
And another reason is conflict resolution skill. And as children, they're not born with having these conflict resolution skills. It's actually being taught by parents. So parents really need to be able to teach these type of skills and kind of model to them what needs to be done and guide them through this process.
And really the biggest cause of sibling rivalry can be parents. Parents really dictate how siblings react towards one another and Determine what type of relationships siblings have. A lot of times, some parents like to compare children to one another, right? And that causes a lot of rivalry. Whether it's positive or negative. So what does that mean? So it's Oh your brother does it correctly. Like, why can't you do it correctly?
Or, you're always ahead of schedule. Unlike your brother that's positive to them, but it creates an environment where they always have to be on top of their siblings.
And so that's not the greatest thing to say to children because you don't want them to compare themselves to one another and so let's go into what parents can do to lessen this drama and create a more loving environment the first one is that parents can be the role model, right? So when we intervene in these The sibling conflict, we need to be very careful about taking sides, right? Because once we take side, that means, oh, one of the children might say, think, Oh mom and dad took their side oh, they love them more. That's just a natural thing to think. So we have to be very intentional about not. Choosing any sides right and here hearing both sides out rather than just jumping to conclusion like oh, the older ones always like stronger And so that's why it's their fault not doing that but rather just hearing both sides out and coaching each of them to communicate their needs and their their thoughts right about the situation. So if little brother took the ball or if the big brother took the ball being able to communicate, Hey, I was playing with that ball. Can you please give it back?
And then the younger one or whoever the other sibling could also say. Can I please play with it after you're done? And then, just having those types of communication skills and having them learn those type of skill is really important in these type of situation.
And also helping them become a team, right?
Tamo: Teaching our children teamwork, and that's been a big one. By teaching teamwork, they get to feel like they're in it together. And through that, the more they understand that they can work as a team, and if they work as a team, they can get more of what they're looking for by understanding that teamwork actually works to benefit both of them. We're starting to see that they care for each other more because they understand that teamwork is what makes the dream even during times They're at odds with each other, they might be yelling and screaming, maybe fighting over a toy or whatnot. We can always remind them, hey, it's teamwork. You don't have to fight over these things. You can play together. And of course, yes that is another skill that they have to be taught. We've been taking steps to do so.
Akko: and also another one is to really just give each kid enough personal space, if they're needing personal space because they're having really big emotions and they're going through really big emotions and they're having to just go through those emotions, give them their space that they need.
Sometimes when our son is having a small little tantrum and he's just crying. He went from like zero to a hundred and like three seconds I Always ask him. Do you need a hug? And then he's no and then after a while ask him do you need a hug?
And he's like yes you know, he just had to let those emotions go through and have his personal space And so that's also really important to know crying is okay, Your children need to let those emotions out. If you think of us, like it's always nice to have a really good cry, right?
And so giving personal space to your Children is actually very important, right? Because Letting out your emotions when you need is actually very important instead of having it all cooped up inside. I know for sure when I need a good cry. It just feels so much Better and that purge like really helps me with regulating my emotions again. So the same goes for children, right? When they need to cry, let them cry. Like I said before, I let my son or daughter cry. Our daughter and son cry until they're ready for the hug or they're ready to talk it out or whatever they need.
But I don't really force the hug upon them until, they say that they need it. Cause I don't want it to be like, no, I don't want to hug. And I hug them and , it's giving the wrong message to them.
And then the next one is really letting them know that you love them, right? Unconditional love. You love them no matter what happens and that there's always a place in your heart for them and it's only for them and no one else.
And so really validating that they matter and giving them the confidence that you are always there for them, and then another one is just having a really good relationship with them. Kind of Transfers over to their siblings. Because usually when you have a good relationship with your child they usually should be happy and so that happiness gets transferred to the sibling relationship as well because bad behavior actually is contagious Behaviors are contagious.
So when you have bad behavior going on in the house that transfers over to the other sibling and they can have an unpleasant behavior going on as well. And so happy behavior can be transferred also. So having that positive relationship is very important. And, in contrast, having a negative relationship, affects the sibling relationship poorly as well.
And that's just something to really keep in mind, so just having always a positive relationship with your child is very important. And like we said before, teaching them conflict resolution is very important when it comes to dealing with siblings And how to solve any conflicts that go on between them, right?
Because you're their coach, so you have to really guide them in how these conflicts need to be resolved. And also if you have other conflicts, elsewhere, it's always good to just role model, right? And or if you have a little disagreement with your partner, it's always good to if it needs to be shown show them how it can be done in a very respectful manner.
And another one is just coaching them emotionally, like emotional coaching, right? Letting them know this kind of coincides with validating and acknowledging their feelings. So it's always teaching them that it's okay to have all the emotions that they go through, whether it's anger, frustration, anything, those emotions are totally all good.
However, behaviors need to be limited. If they're so angry that they're hitting you, that behavior is not good, right? It's no bueno. So you have to let them know, hey, there are other ways you can express your anger. What can you do when you are feeling so angry? Some of the things that I let our our children know is okay, if you're so angry that you want to do something, you want to let out that steam, you can scream into a pillow, or you can hit the pillow, , or if you can take a deep breath, right?
We talked about monster meditation that kind of stuck with our children. So it's monster meditation is like a Sesame Street type of meditation where you breathe in, inflate your stomach and then you breathe out. So that's how it, how that works. But, teaching them just different skills to deal with different types of emotion is actually very important and always validating all their emotions that they're feeling that it's you shouldn't discount any of any emotions that they're going through, if that makes sense.
And another one is family culture. So creating a great atmosphere that focuses on kindness and appreciation and respect in the home transferred to the children and they try to keep those values .
And it motivates them to work towards this type of peaceful environment, right? And I'm not saying that always work out, but teaching them at a young age that, hey, this household are always respectful to each other. We are always appreciative and that we always are kind to each other.
It really helps cultivate that type of environment. within the household. And then lastly, just just have fun, right? Creating a fun environment, a fun relationship finding ways for your children to play together and just creating that type of opportunity is very important. Let's say, your children are far apart in age.
You guys can find an activity that all ages can do so that you can build that type of relationship within those siblings that really don't connect naturally, but you create that type of opportunity for them to play more together.
then also just going back to the emotional coaching, something I just forgot to add is that if your children are just like, I hate my brother or I hate my sister, you can let them know that, hey, words are really hurtful and you shouldn't be saying those types of things to your sibling.
However, , you can talk to me about it and you can let me know how you're feeling, how you're truly feeling, and I will always listen to what you're feeling. Letting them know that, hey, you can create that safe space for them. So you're holding space for them, right?
Creating a space where they know that they're going to be safe with whatever they say about their sibling. And so creating that space is actually important when it comes to maybe older sibling relationship when they're just wanting to use certain types of words or whatnot to hurt the other sibling you yourself can be that person that can listen to all that and then really teach them how to work through those emotions and teach them how to. Have a better relationship with their sibling. So I just thought, some of those things can be very helpful when you have multiples. And we all want to create a less drama household and, more loving household. So I just thought that this episode was right up our alley just because we're dealing with that too,
Our children get along for the most part, but yeah, there are conflicts, and we just have to really teach them and really guide them as far as how to deal with all those emotions that they go through and all those conflicts that they're going through.
Tamo: If you think this episode is helpful for other parents please share it. And if you haven't, please take a quick moment to subscribe to our
Akko: show. And the question of the day is, what are your tips for sibling relationships?
Tamo: We love to hear from you. Please come say hi by commenting on our website by going to AKKOANDTAMO.COM and clicking on the podcast tab.
We're also on Instagram at AKKOANDTAMO, so come say hi to us
Akko: there. All right. Bye-Bye bye.