Help! My Family Doesn’t Approve - Episode 42
Family consists of many different people with their own opinion and that can cause friction at times. Family may not approve the person you’re dating or the friends you hang out with; the list can go on and on. In this podcast, we talk about our own experiences and more importantly the questions and mindset that can help make better decisions when it comes to family not approving. Join us as we dive deep to teach you how to make better decisions.
Please subscribe. We look forward to reading your comments. ❤️ 💫
TIMESTAMP:
►00:00 - Intro
►00:08 - What does Yuntaku mean?
►00:36- TOPIC: Help! My family doesn’t approve. Strategies for making the best decisions when your family doesn’t approve.
►00:50 - Recent Happenings: We’re continuing to minimize our belongings and donating to friends and charitable organizations
►01:35 - Family Influence - Listen to Your Heart
►03:24 - Tamo’s Experience with Family -
►05:38 - Akko’s Experience with Family
►07:56 - Questions that can help you make good decisions
►12: 31 - Mindsets #1: Be Nice
►13:48 - Mindset #2: Opposition can be positive
►14:24 - Mindset #3 - It’s all Perspective
►17:01 - Bonus Tip
QUESTION: Do you have any questions or thoughts about family disapproval?
MUSIC:
► Copyright Chillhop Music - https://chillhop.com
#mindsetshifts #decisionmakingquestions #riseinlove #realizeyourtruenature
Podcast Transcription
The transcription below is provided for your convenience, please excuse any errors made by the automated service.
Tamo: This is episode 42.
Akko: And the topic of the day is. help Help. My family doesn't approve. Strategies for making the best decisions when your family doesn't approve. And before we get started, please take a quick moment to subscribe to our show. Now let's get back to our recent happening
Tamo: Yeah. For a recent to happenings meetings we've been continuing to minimize our belongings and, donating things, different charitable organizations and things like that. Just to minimize clutter. so that we have more space to live. Yeah. when I say space, the mental space, our emotional space, including, through the Change in physical space. Trying to clear our minds. make it much easier for our children and things like that.
Akko: Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
you know when you declutter the outside
yeah, it
Tamo: Certainly helps. Definitely helps.
It's interesting because if your mind is. your outside. is cluttered.
And if your clutter is on the outside, your mind will get cluttered. Wow. Circle there?
Akko: Huh? Exactly.never ending cycles.
so we have to break it.
Tamo: Yeah. So the topic of the day today is
help. My family doesn't approve Strategies for making the best decisions when your family doesn't approve. And so this one, it can go on for every if we let it and we want to talk about this because. I know that this could be something that, many people experienced in their lives. It's something that you want to do. The decisions you want to make and your parents or family members, or even friends. People that are close to you that oppose it. And it can be, them sharing negative vibe or just straight up. disagreeing and saying no I don't approve or you shouldn't do this or, things like that. And, it really happens quite often. And even in our group of friends, families, we hear about this type of story all the time. We're going through it.
Akko: Oh, yeah.
Tamo: And it really adds a lot more drama than it should into our lives. And so we want to share our own experience in how we deal with it. And hopefully. Some of these ideas will help you. With your situation or maybe even when you. Again, experienced things like this.
One quick side note. Akko shared a fantastic question at the end. So listen to the end for the bonus question.
So these decisions or actions can be big and small, it might be big decisions of how you parent or your choice in your partner. the lifestyle that you have, or maybe what school you go to, or maybe even starting a business. Or it can come down to like small. day-to-day choices, like the type of clothes you bought or. which car you buy things like that. So there's a gradient from really bigger decisions to smaller decisions. And in our case, I think we should focus more on the bigger decisions. And smaller decisions if they're bugging you about small decisions. Well, there too much into your life. Yeah. That could be a totally different topic.
Some of the examples in our own lives is for example, for me when I was deciding to go to college I had decided I wanted to become a music major. I want it to play trumpet and I got into a school that offered that. And at that time, my. Mom in particular. She was opposed to that. And in that case, I listened to her. I listened to her and said, okay. I won't go to that college and instead I, ended up going to a different school and. I listened to her. Yeah in that case because I, myself, wasn't too sure. But the funny part is even to this day, I dream about playing music and things like that. So maybe there was something there.
Akko: Yeah. Yeah.
Tamo: I didn't follow my heart but there's also bigger decisions, like getting married to Akko there was a lot of family friction
Akko: A lot, lot
Tamo: And that family friction came from my family's side. And in, that. Particular case it was my work that I had to do for myself. It wasn't Akko's situation. It was my situation. So I had to take the responsibility to really feel what I'm feeling inside my heart. What am I thinking of? Blend those two and then make the decision.
But. Really that decision was already made from the day I met her. I just knew in my heart that she was. The one that I need to spend a very long with.
Akko: Yeah tough Yeah.
Tamo: Yeah. And it was very tough. It was very tough. And yet, made that decision and never looked back at all And yeah, there's a lot of decision. Points in your life back in really? Change the trajectory of your life. If I worked at say, oh, I'm going to listen to my family and not continuing my relationship with Akko. We wouldn't be here. My life and her life would have been drastically different. yeah. I just can't even imagine. . We knew that. And that's why I think. The decision had been made I'm going to go through it. I was able to do so with confidence because that was following my heart. Things like this, there's a lot of them and sometimes it is okay to listen to your family members or friends or someone close to you because. They have a great point. Maybe they, sometimes they see something that you may not see. and you may be blind to. We're not trying to say today a just listen to your heart only, but, be wise about it and be humble.
Akko it Is there anything that you want to share in terms of, you wanting to make a decision and your family just didn't approve. Maybe it was your family, parents friends or whoever.
Akko: Yeah. Yeah. There are actually all lot just because. My parents were very controlling and even controlling until this day. So it's very tough. But one of the bigger decisions for me moving out. And I feel like that was the best decision I've made in my life.
family a very sticky family so. moving out, gave me a lot more freedom. Gave me a lot more. Clarity gave me time for myself because. When I was living at the house, everything was. My mind was very noisy. And what I mean by noisy is I would like all, a lot of monkey brain, like just. That's just went into my head. And I really didn't give myself time to really think because I was. practically out all the time. Like I was always going to my friend's place. I always busied myself.
Tamo: And maybe that was a way to escape from that too.
Akko: and I didn't know what was going on. And obviously , I didn't know what was going on because I didn't give myself that time to even. Understand what was happening. Me moving out of the house gave me the time that I needed. Don't get me wrong. Even when I even moved out, I was still going to my friend's place. I was like still busy my life. And then I metTamo and he was just like, why do you always, busy yourself? And then I was like, wait, what. And asked the right question to me, for me to just. sit down and really gave me the opportunity to. Be quiet. And just really stay with my mind and my body and my heart. And just gave me the time and now I'm just really happy where I am, I need to go out. I go out. If I need to be by myself, i stay home. I listen to my heart. and my body. it's really helped.
Tamo: Yeah. And I think, when it comes to these things decisions are very important. That's what makes your life right? The decision for you to wake up at a certain time or to eat a certain.
Akko: Yeah
Tamo: Do you want to stay healthy, making the decision? Yes. I want to be healthy or the decision to say yes, I'm going to be a fantastic parent. Or a decision to continue to learn, right? Continue to grow. These are all decision points that you make for yourself. And having that for yourself. The authority and the empowered feeling that you can have for yourself by making these decisions are a really. important part in your own personal growth. And so What we want to do is, help you by, bringing up some questions and mindsets that can help you make these good decisions. So I'm going to share seven questions with you
and also some mindsets to get you thinking about your decision. So if you're in this situation where you want to do a certain thing and people are opposed to you. Ask yourself, these questions and change your mindset. And then you'll be able to make the best decision
So let's go into the first question. Question. Number one is the person opposed to your decision credible? And there are a lot of situations where. People would just have a lot of opinions and they don't really know too much of what's going on. They might be close family members that know a lot, but they're not, you. They're not inside of you. They don't have the same exact experience as you. and look at that person who's telling you this. Do you want to live the life that they're living? I think that's a great way to look at it. Do you really want to be like them, right? Because they're telling you to do certain things are opposed to you because. they're coming from their own. Experience and what they know. So that's the first question is the person opposed to your decision credible?
And then the next question number two is who is affected by your decision? And so when you're making decisions you don't want to make a selfish. Decisions you want to look at the full picture? And see who is affected by your decision. So if you're a single person less people are going to be affected by your decision. But if you have a family, it's you, your partner, your children, and then it can be your family members that are affected. It can be your friends your colleagues and it'll ripple out. So understand that portion too who is affected by your decisions .
Question number three what is in your heart? And on the other hand, what are your logical reasons? And so can you blend them? I highly recommend writing it down. So figuring out what is in your heart, what is it that you really want to do? And then your logical reasons, because the mind does tend to jump in and want to get involved. So let your mind be involved. What are the logical reasons?
Question number four is why do you want to make this decision? This is a good one because it helps you actually answer the third question, which is what is in your heart. What is your logical reason? So this question. Clarify what your heart is feeling And sometimes. Just because it's a perfectly fine answer.
And question number five is look at your past decisions. Big and small. How is your decision track record? If you have a questionable decision, track record, then you might want to rethink and get a lot more input from people that are close to you. It can also be professionals if it's a. Business that you want to start or. Do you want to start a new career or a type of schooling? Maybe you can ask people who are in those professions or careers or studies and figure out if that's something for you. So again, look at your past decisions and being small. And how's your decision track record?
Okay. And then question number six. Is, are you committed to making it work? Of course there are times where you just have to say, okay I tried and I need to let go, but are you really committed from your heart to making this decision work? If it's going to school, are you committed to making it work? If you are a parent, are you fully committed to making it work? If you're deciding if you want to get married to a certain person or not, are you committed to making it work? So ask yourself, are you committed to making it work or I should say. Am I committed to making it work.
And question number seven. Is, are you just following cultural norms or is this something you really want? And many times, we don't know that what we're trying to do is just following cultural norms. And it might actually be going against the cultural norm. You really want to know. Why is it? And then if this is something you really want. And if you're following the cultural norm of listening to your parents or listening to family members that you also have to really understand, if your heart is telling you one thing, and yet on the other side, you're just following the cultural norm of okay. I have to obey my parents or family, things like that. Your heart and your mind is going to have a disconnect. And when that happens, you're really not going to be able to express who you really are. Live a fulfilling life and be who you really are.
So those are the seven main questions that you want to ask yourself. And there are many other questions. So if you're in this type of situation and want to have maybe a little bit more questions or things to think about. Reach out to us. On our website. And also, if you think this episode is helpful for parents or friends, please share it. And if you haven't yet, please take a quick moment to subscribe to our show.
So the next one we want to go into is mindset. And mindset. Number one is being nice. Be nice. You don't have to make, if you're friends family colleagues are opposed to a certain thing. You can still be nice. It doesn't have to be contentious. It doesn't have to be filled with anger. It doesn't have to be filled with resentment. What you want to do is, you want to have a calm. inner state when dealing with these things, of course, it's going to be very difficult and I empathize with you. I totally understand. But being a lot more aware of your inner state because the thing is, if you are angry or resentful, when you make a decision, you might actually make a decision that is not positive for anyone including yourself, who's making the decision, right? Sometimes you may say, oh, I've been held down for so long. I'm going to do this and it might be a rebellious attitude. And when you go into a decision with that type of attitude or energy, what happens is it might actually backfire on you. And
What we want to do is to make these decisions from a very stable and calm state. And so if, you feel pressure from. Your close ones. What you want to do is not take some time take some time, maybe. Go to an area that is quiet and away from that type of pressure and just give the seven questions that thought.
The second mindset you want to have is opposition doesn't necessarily mean the end. Many great things have come from overcoming obstacles. So this may just be an obstacle in front of you. Maybe it's the universe asking you, Hey, how much do you want this? How much do you really want this? And many beautiful things have come from overcoming these obstacles. From the opposition that you get from close people. So again, Opposition does not mean the end. Many great things have come from overcoming obstacles. that's mindset. Number two.
Mindset number three is it's all perspective. And what I mean by this is. Everything is a perspective. your, parents telling you one thing, your family, telling you one thing, your friends telling you one thing, your colleagues telling you one thing. There it's all perspective. And they are not able to see things from your perspective. So keep in mind that they are expressing their opinions from their perspective. And what you want to do is not to overweight their opinions or underweight their opinions and really floating it to and giving it a little bit of thought and then releasing seeing it. So that you can make the decision best for you again. It is all perspective. So it's about being humble. Having humility towards making this decision. Listening to different perspectives, but not being stuck to one perspective. And because in the end, this is going to be your decision.
And so with that, we shared seven questions and three mindsets. And if you are going through a tough decision in your life whether it be now or you see it coming to you soon. Uh, We really, again, empathize with you and keep these mindsets in mind and we wish you the best of luck.
Akko: Thanks for sharing.
Those are really important questions and, in life, when it comes down to are the questions that you ask yourself that's the most important thing you can do in your life. And so these are great questions. That you could ask yourself during these really tough times.
I can't say enough, how much of these tough times that we went through and we experienced and these questions helped us understand and clarify and the solutions that we came up with.
Tamo: Yeah.
And again, all of these are coming from our own experience. From very tough times and overcoming that. And as I mentioned in mindset, number two, it's, this opposition doesn't mean the end, but by overcoming obstacles, great things come just in our particular case deciding to get married. Even through opposition we knew in our hearts that this was the way to go. And when you're in that situation, it's very tough. It's so tough but know that you have the power within you to make these decisions because when you are quiet, when you do listen to yourself, you really know what the answer is. and even during our daughter's earth we had to make some really big. Scary decisions.
Akko: yeah
Tamo: because we had some complications. But we stuck by each other. We discussed it. Beforehand. what we wanted to do and stuck with the plan. We couldn't have asked for anything more.
Akko: Every situation's different. So we feel all of you. We're all in it together, we will all want to help each other. You know that you guys are not alone. We're with you guys.
Tamo: You have the power. You have the power within you to make the decision best for you.
Akko: Exactly. this is your life, when friends come to us for advice or something. We just say what do you want? How do you want your life to be. When you look back to your life 20 years later, like What is it that you would be proud of or, what is it that you would have regret?
Tamo: Yeah, I think that's a great one. So let's add a question. Number eight. What do you want? and how will your life look like 20 years later? I think maybe that's it. That's it. it all While Akko did it in one question, do you want?
Yeah.
Akko: So getting back to the question of that day. Do you have any questions or thoughts about family disapproval? We'd love to hear from you. Please come say hi. by commenting on our website, by going to
AKKOANDTAMO.COM That's A K K O A N D T A M O .com
And clicking on the podcast tab.
Tamo: All right.
we'll see you soon.
All
Akko: All. right Bye.