Ask How Can We? Who Can Help? - Episode 21

Changing our perspective can have a drastic affect on how we feel about things. Changing our perspective can bring more light to any situation. Being in a relationship we often come across situations where there is a difference in value or opinions. But, rather than arguing with them why not ask further about their thoughts on a particular situation? In this podcast we talk about how we can and who we can ask to help. Join us as we dive deep into this topic. 

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TIMESTAMP:
►00:00 - Intro
►00:09 - What does Yuntaku mean? 
►00:48 - Recent Happenings: Working on the garage 
►01:25 - TOPIC: Think: How can we? And who can help?
►02:11 - Changing Perspective
►07:11 - ​​Changing the questions you ask yourself can result in very different outcomes.
►08:25 - ​​Here are some fun questions to start digging deeper

QUESTION: What do you want from your relationship?

MUSIC:
► Copyright Chillhop Music - https://chillhop.com

#relationshipgoals #consciouscouple #riseinlove #realizeyourtruenature

Podcast Transcription

The transcription below is provided for your convenience, please excuse any errors made by the automated service.

Tamo 0:00

changing our perspective can have a drastic effect on how we feel about things.

Akko 0:05

It's Yuntaku Time with Akko and Tamo.

Tamo 0:09

What does Yuntaku mean? It's an Okinawan word from the islands of Okinawa, which means chit chat. We want to invite you to our kitchen table, and include you in our chitchat to explore new ways of thinking, to welcome different perspectives.

Akko 0:27

And we want to share ideas and how to love yourself, love your partner, and shower your children with love.

Tamo 0:35

This is Episode 21. And the

Akko 0:37

topic of the day is think, how can we and who can help. But before we get started, please take a quick moment to subscribe to our show. So let's get back to our recent happenings. So we've been working on our garage and just kind of fixing up the walls. And it's kind of like our DIY project, we're just kind of taking it slow taking our time and just fixing it up so that it gets a little more cozy.

Tamo 1:03

Yeah. And we're also learning new skills such as mudding, and taping and dry walling. So yeah, it's been pretty fun when it comes to inviting, and then also sanding, it can be quite messy. But we've been taking it step by step. And it's been a great learning experience. So it's going to be really interesting to see how it comes out in the end.

Akko 1:23

Yeah, absolutely. So let's get back to our topic of the day. So it is think, how can we and who can help. But let's take it away tomorrow.

Tamo 1:34

So when it comes to relationships, and when you come across difficulties in your relationship with your partner, you want to try changing perspective together and asking different questions that are completely different than the questions you've been asking previously. So changing our perspective can have a drastic effect on how we feel about things. So if you're getting into an argument with your partner, the perspective that you have, may be causing and adding to the frustration and argument. And this also goes for the perspective that your partner is also holding. So by changing perspective, again, you can completely shift how you feel about a certain thing. So for example, let's take you're driving in traffic, and someone cuts you off. And maybe that person is driving quite recklessly. And it really angers you maybe it was a really dangerous maneuver that the car made. But you don't know the situation that that driver is in. So from your perspective, as a person that got cut off, you might be angry, because it might have been a dangerous situation, you could have gotten into an accident. Or maybe you're angry that this person is not necessarily following driving etiquette, or many other reasons for you being triggered. Now, how would your perspective change? If you knew that maybe the driver had his wife in the passenger side? Who was about to give birth? And they needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible? And yes, maybe the reckless driving isn't necessarily the best thing. But you could imagine from the panic that they're in court, maybe it could have been as simple as they needed to use the restroom. Right? It was so bad. And when you start to understand that you Yes, you can take different perspective, things start to change. Yeah, yeah. And from a personal sharing, I had perspective change. When I began my relationship with Uncle. In the beginning, I had the perspective that I needed to control the direction of the relationship. Now when I started to change the perspective, from my perspective to letting go and seeing things from a cost perspective, that's when the big shift happened, I was able to let go relax more into the relationship. Thus, having Aqua helped me open my heart up. And so Kofi can share with us what kind of changes you saw when I started to make that perspective shift from trying to be in control of where the relationship was going to just letting it go. And seeing things from your perspective.

Akko 4:07

Thank you for sharing. Yeah. So when I started noticing that that shift, it was a complete one ad change, let's say our relationship was at like, 50%, it literally skyrocketed it up to like 80 90%. So what I mean by that is, the potential is 100% in a relationship, let's just say, and we were still at, like 50%. And that shift really skyrocketed it so that it was 90%. And that rest of the 10% is more fine tuning of the relationship. I think it really changed the direction of our relationship for the better. So yeah, even changing perspective is not the easiest thing. So I would really respect Tamo for being even able to change his perspective.

Tamo 4:49

And one thing that I want to say is when you're changing perspective or looking at things from your partner's point of view, it doesn't mean that you're losing out or anything like that. It allows you To see a more complete picture of the relationship, because a relationship is not just all about you, right? It's about the two of you coming together. And becoming one plus one is 11, you want more to come about from the relationship not just being together, and spending time together. But there's so much more golden nuggets, diamonds, and all these jewels that come out of the relationship. But it does require you to begin loosening up the beliefs that you have, and start to look at things from, again, your partner's perspective, so that you can be as compassionate as loving as caring as possible.

Akko 5:42

100%. And even we give that example about the one cutting you off, you know, when you see it from that other drivers perspective, and you make scenarios where it was an emergency, it's actually for your own benefit, it saves you from being triggered, being in a really bad mood for like for the whole day where it kind of ruins your whole day. So it really is saving you saving your energy, saving your emotions, from going through that turmoil of what may not really be necessary. by just changing your perspective. I just wanted to just kind of get that out there.

Tamo 6:16

And as a crutch. We can use what I used to use, which is that person muster needed to go to the bathroom very, very badly. Yeah. And I like that crutch just because it's a, it's a funny one. And well, especially for my case, I can relate to it, because I've had maybe not in a driving situation. But I've had times that I really really had to go, it was so bad, I wouldn't have wished that type of pain on anyone. And so I'm, I'm intimately aware of what happens to the body when you really, really, really needed to go. Yeah, and so for me, I used to use that as a crutch, when, for example, when someone cuts me off in traffic or whatnot, but the more you work on these things within yourself, things start to change. And those things kind of flow through just like the vaporize technique that we've shared in the past for working with stress. Yes, no going to the next point is you can also change the questions you ask yourself. And by asking different questions, it can result in completely different outcomes. So a typical one is might say, Oh, it's too hard. I can't. But instead of saying that, why not question, how can we and who can help us? Right? in relationships, we tend to keep the issues within the relationship. And if we do share issues with our friends, it's usually only shared from our perspective, right? And we might be so triggered, and angry, or sad, or whatever the emotion is, the emotion is so powerful, we have a hard time looking at things from our partners perspective, right? And so, by asking different type of questions, you can start shifting your perspective and seeing things from their perspective. And then you can see again, things from your partner's perspective. And then bring it back to your perspective and merge it together and see if he can work something out with your partner. And also it is your partner's responsibility for them to work on understanding what your perspective is. Absolutely. So I want to share some simple questions. So the first question can be as simple as what is my partner's perspective? And then once you ask yourself that, ask your partner, what's your perspective on this? And ask your partner their perspective, and listen to their perspective, in the most economists way, keep yourself as calm as you can. And then you can share your perspective with your partner. And of course, your partner will have to be willing. And here are a few more questions to get you starting to dig deeper. And these questions are questions that may take quite a while, months, and years of asking yourself in order to get to the depths of why you may think a certain way. So the first question is, what are three things you love about your partner? Think about that, and you can share it with your partner. Another one is, what are things that you would love your partner to do more of? Another one is, do you hide things from your partner? If so, why? And then when you answer that, why, then ask why again? And if not, if you don't hide things from your partner, what do you hide from yourself? This is a pretty difficult one. Because there are things that you hide from yourself through entertainment, maybe it's shopping, maybe it's binge watching, maybe it's leaning towards drugs and alcohol, or maybe it's food. There are things that you do to hide from the things that you don't want to see in yourself. Yeah, so And the last one is What beliefs do you have about relationships? Why is that about this question, which is what beliefs do you have about relationships is that the beliefs that you have about the relationship, your partner may not share. So by bringing this up, you can get to a much deeper level of understanding with your partner and how they see relationships. And then you can also share how you see relationships. And sometimes these beliefs need to be broken down. It needs to be examined. And from there, you can start building it back up and building a much more robust foundation for the two of you to stand upon and grow together.

Akko 10:44

Great points. Thank you for sharing. So our question to you is, what do you want from your relationship? We'd love to hear from you. Please come and say hi, on our new website by going to Yuntaku time.com. All right, thanks. Take care. Bye bye.