Don’t Expect to be the Perfect Parent - Episode 47
Who here fell in the mindset of becoming the Perfect parent? Read all these parenting books to get yourself prepared to become THAT perfect parent. We were those parents. We wanted to guide our children to become perfect themselves in turn. However, we soon realized that our children had their own agendas. The more we wanted to become the perfect parent, the more our children deviated away from our expectations. We are here to tell you that instead of being a perfect parent, let's strive to become an intentional/conscious parent. Join us as we dive deep in letting go of becoming a perfect parent.
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TIMESTAMP:
►00:00 - Intro
►00:06 - What does Yuntaku mean?
►00:34- TOPIC: Don’t Expect to be the Perfect Parent
►00:44 - Recent Happenings: Painting Home Projects
►02:10 - Overview of Parental expectations: Personal Experience
►03:17 - Learning from your mistakes: How to show your children
►04:45 - How to become an intentional parent
►06:26 - Responding vs Reacting to your child
►08:08 - The "I didn't have it, so you won't have it" Idea
►09:08 - Comparing your child to others
QUESTION: Are you ready to let go of trying to be the perfect parent?
MUSIC:
► Copyright Chillhop Music - https://chillhop.com
#imperfectparent #intentionalparent #consciousparenting #realizeyourtruenature
Podcast Transcription
The transcription below is provided for your convenience, please excuse any errors made by the automated service.
Tamo: This is episode 47
Akko: and the topic of the day is don't expect to be the perfect parent. And before we get started, please take a quick moment to subscribe to our show. Now let's get back to our recent happening. So recently we've been doing these mini projects of a painting.
Side of the house.
Tamo: home projects.
Akko: And it's been going really good. I have to say I am super proud of the finished product.
Tamo: Yeah yeah. Akko has done an Awesome job. Like. very impressed she painted the front door and then also the window trim and it looks really great.
Akko: Yeah. Yeah. And then, yeah, we did the inside, inside of the front door and then the outside of the front door and it really just came together once a front door was painted and it was just, it looks so much more modern.
And I was doing this with the. So it was really I had to really be mindful of them and, mindful of them did not touch the paint. So yeah, it worked out because I just, at the very end project, did the door was the last thing that I did and I just had them play inside my car and not really.
Tamo: Yeah, I did. And then I also took him on a drive while you
Akko: yeah Oh my God. That was like amazing. So I try to work as fast as possible, while they were like he had them, so
Tamo: yeah. So yeah, I came out really nice. And I think that was one of the final touches to the home and, there's a few other small things we want to do, but yeah it's looking great.
And Man. Very happy about the, how it came out,
Akko: right? Yeah. It looks so clean and modern. It's I really like it.
Tamo: Yeah. All right. Then do you want to go into the topic of the day today? All right. So the topic of the day today is don't expect to be the perfect parent. With that said, as parents we're always thinking about How we want to raise our kids and, we want to be perfect, but obviously that is an expectation that, won't be fulfilled nor do we want to try to do that.
And we want to talk about that today. So uncle, if he can start us off.
Akko: Yeah. Yeah. So don't, so the reason why we chose this topic is because. I always put pressure on myself to try to be the perfect parent because I didn't have the perfect parent. I T I was always trying to be that perfect parent, and I just put so much pressure on myself and that pressure.
Kind of transferred into the kids too, they felt that pressure too. And then they might just react to that emotion that I'm feeling because they're not reacting the way I think they should be acting or how I should be reacting. And so I just want to tell you guys that no one is a perfect parent.
There is mistakes that we make on the way because we're human. And I just want to let you guys know.
We are not going to be no, one's going to be the perfect parent and that we should just be able to accept that , and accept that, we're going to meet, we're going to be making mistakes along the way, but at the important, but the important thing is that we learn from that.
Tamo: Yeah. I think that's a really great point. , actually making those mistakes, I think could be even a very positive thing because, once your child sees you and then you that if it was, something along the lines of parenting, for example, maybe you lashed out at your child because you're stressed out or whatnot.
If you can go back in a calm state to your child, Hey, I lashed out to you. then, And I apologize for that, that really shows the child that, Hey, it's okay to make mistakes. And even my parent will apologize and make amends and correct these mistakes. So I think that could also be a learning experience.
So instead of thinking, becoming the perfect parent, it's more that we are being in present in the moment and then changing things around if we are adjusting to the situation. And Yeah.
Akko: Yeah, exactly. And like Tamo said, yeah, you're always trying to adjust to the situation and it can be even things that happened years ago.
I don't think there is a timeframe, if it happened years ago and you can just always bring it up Hey,
I dunno if you remember this time, but there's a time where a blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm sorry for this. And if the child remembers great, if she, if he or she doesn't, then it's okay.
You're teaching the child to own up to their mistake or own up to whatever they've done. And so the key here is to always try to be aware and intentional about how you're raising your child. And a lot of parents try to be the perfect again.
Like I said including myself and they shoot themselves in the foot and you're essentially setting yourself up for failure when you have that type of mindset with that added pressure to be that perfect parent. So we're here to tell you guys that you don't have to think that you're the perfect parent.
You're just. You're going to be a conscious parent, a, an intentional parent.
Tamo: Yup. One thing that I wanted to bring up is this is a kind of a half baked idea for me to so one thing that I wanted to bring up is the word mistakes maybe we can start looking at that word a little bit more.
And instead of mistakes, there is a saying, that's says that life happens for us, not to us. And if we can take that type of a viewpoint in life, it's not necessarily mistakes it's really a happening for us. And maybe we can think of it in a way where instead of. You thinking that something you did was a mistake instead, it was a growth opportunity because it's life is happening for us.
It's a growth opportunity. So again, like I mentioned if it was something that, you reacted to and you'd like to apologize to your child, then, Hey, that's the perfect. chance to Show by example, that even, up, even mom and dad can, apologize and. Clear things up.
So if you look at things from a certain perspective, you can always turn that frown upside down. Yeah that's something that I wanted to add.
Akko: I like that. I like that. So having things happened for you, I really liked that.
So that's a great takeaway
Another thing that we wanted to bring up is responding to your child.
Emotionally reacting to your child. So responding versus reacting. So we acting is pretty much I wouldn't say it the negative thing, but it's more of,
Tamo: whatever that's been pre programmed in here.
Akko: Yeah. Yeah. So you tend to react to it. You tend to
Tamo: it's unconscious. yes.
Akko: Instead of observing it and, I learned An acronym recently, I was listening to another podcast and acronym was stopped and S was to sit down T was to think, oh, was to observe and POS to plan.
If if you get into a situation where it's super stressful, you don't know what to do, you can use that acronym. And then in hopes that you can respond to these situations, a lot of.
These high stress situations a lot better, but that's something that was just came across. But yeah, so you want to always respond to your child in a more intentional way.
Tamo: Yeah. And this is, easier said than done. And when you're stressed yourself as a parent and then, that stress transfers over to your child and your child is stressed out and it just builds up. So in these cases, again either you can use the acronym or he's just a really thinking about slowing down. Slow down your body, slow down your thoughts. Just take a deep breath and slow down, because that allows you to think and respond in the best way possible instead of reacting in reacting and making things worse. And, in reaction, sometimes a traumas also happen too.
Really slowing down and okay. I want to be angry, okay. Let's just take a little bit of time to
respond in the best way possible, And another thing that you wanted to share is letting go of the idea of I didn't have it. So you won't either. I think this is actually quite a negative idea or a thought. And not everyone has this, but we've heard of parents that tend to say, yeah, when I was growing up, I didn't have this.
So you won't either. And along the lines of that,
Even when it comes to parenting styles, oh, I was parented super strict. So with my kids, I'm going to be super lenient, just doing the extremes or it can actually be a detriment instead of really responding to each situation as is.
So again, letting go of those ideas of, oh, I was I was raised like this, so I'm going to do the opposite. or. I was raised like this and I hated it. So I'm going to do the exact opposite ex extremes like that. And again, another idea of, I didn't have it, so you won't either, or I didn't have it, so you'll get all of it.
Those things could actually be too extreme and end up doing more damage than good. So that's something to think about. too. And
last one that we want to talk about is letting go of comparing your child to yourself and others. Your child is an individual, a unique being in this world. A beautiful one at that. and we want to foster their growth as much as possible.
We want to, water them with love attention and warmth so that they can grow. to be This a beautiful flower in this world. And letting go of comparing yourself. So maybe you might be like, I was already reading when I was this age or I was doing this by this, or, comparing your child to maybe their siblings or even to other children.
That could be very detrimental. So really keeping that in mind, not. Not comparing and letting go of that comparison instead, really embrace your child for who they are.
Akko: Yeah. I liked that. I like that. I have to say when I was growing up, I used to be compared to my friend a lot. A lot. My mom would be like she's doing this or why aren't you doing this?
Or, just a lot of comparing and, sometime I find myself like thinking oh my gosh like comparing my, possibly my daughter to her brother or the younger brother, so there's a lot and I have to, and then I just catch myself and then I'm like, oh yeah.
Okay. No comparing. And so that's a good thing to always think about, , always embrace, like Tamo said always embrace her child, they're special the way they are and they're growing on their own terms and growing on their own time.
So there's nothing that you have to push or anything. And I think that's a beautiful thing.
Tamo: And so the question of the day today is are you ready to let go of trying to be the perfect parent?
Akko: We'd love to hear from you. Please come say hi by commenting on our website, by going to akko and tamo.com and clicking on the podcast tab.
Tamo: All right. Take care.
Akko: All right, bye.